God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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