Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
