So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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