what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
