This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
