lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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