just come out here and I will go home with you...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Life without a bra equals bliss.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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