haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
