If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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