someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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