i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
