Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
