I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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