Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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