dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
