I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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