What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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