Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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