Small penises have feelings too.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
