i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
