we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
