saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
