:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
