remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
...so i touched it.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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