Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
