So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
