just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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