cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
