Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
