I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
