You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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