went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
