Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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