i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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