I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
