remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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