big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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