At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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