it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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