Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
