Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
