i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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