walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
