Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
