I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
