If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sext me about skeletons
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
