i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
there's paper in my vomit.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I am naked and annoyed.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
