it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
