Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
