I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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