I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
