What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
