Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
